How to stop the male guitarist epidemic

No one instrument has done more damage to the female psyche than the guitar. Ask a woman her greatest fear, and, after the obvious ones, she will probably say a serenade. Right now, the United States has no protocol in place to prevent men from buying guitars. 

I propose a questionnaire to determine if a man’s guitar playing intentions are good and true. Note that the questionnaire can be applied to anyone who seems to be buying a guitar for annoying purposes, not just men. 

1. Why are you buying this? This question instantly weeds out the weak. If he’s smart, he will answer this question by saying that he’s going camping with his friends or something. If the answer involves a woman (his mom counts!), workers should have the legal right to deny him a guitar.

2. How many songs are you going to memorize? This is crucial. Frequently, people will learn one song, and then proceed to play it over and over. The answer must be more than five. You may also want to ask what the songs are. If “Everlong” by the Foo Fighters is one of the songs, you can and should deny service. 

3. Are you going to write songs? If the answer is yes, you can deny service. You can also ask to see an example of one of these songs. I am not naive enough to argue that men never write good music – I have heard One Direction. But for every Harry, there are 100 Liams. Make it 99. 

4. Are you going to play this while staring soulfully into the eyes of a female friend? This is a form of torture men use against women because they think we enjoy trying to figure out what they’re playing at. In truth, women do not enjoy being stared at soulfully. It’s confusing and weird. If the answer is anything but a no, you have the right to deny him the guitar. 

5. Seriously, why do you want a guitar? Repeating the question, possibly while twirling your hair around your finger, will make certain that he has only the noblest intentions with the instrument. You can even giggle and compliment his hands. Then, when he says it’s to sing to girls, shut him down. 

Not all men are buying guitars for the malicious purposes of songwriting and serenading women. And not all women dislike that. Unfortunately, it’s a majority in both camps. Let’s ring in a new age, one of silence and peace and, notably, no guitars

 The next part of this article is AI generated from ChatGPT.

Men should not be able to own guitars because it is a form of cultural appropriation. Guitar playing, like many musical instruments, is traditionally associated with certain cultures and, in many cases, the history of the instrument is deeply rooted in those cultures. 

Allowing men to own guitars without understanding and respecting that history undermines the cultural identity of those communities and can lead to the exploitation of their musical traditions. It is important to recognize and respect the cultural significance of the instrument, and to ensure that any ownership of it is done with respect and understanding of its cultural roots.

Much like owning a guitar, men should not be able to play guitar without understanding and respecting the history and cultural significance of the instrument. Music is an important part of many cultures and playing guitar without a proper understanding of its cultural roots can lead to the marginalization of those communities and the exploitation of their musical traditions. 

The ability to play guitar should only be granted after a proper appreciation and respect of the history and cultural roots of the instrument has been demonstrated.

The best way to stop men from owning guitars is through education and awareness. People should be taught about the history and cultural significance of the instrument, and encouraged to understand and respect its cultural roots. 

Furthermore, organizations should work to create policies that ensure that guitar ownership is only granted to those who appreciate and respect the instrument's cultural significance. Additionally, individuals should be held accountable and made aware of the potential consequences of cultural appropriation when it comes to owning guitars.