Break up

This man is holding you back. He is. He did his first load of laundry two weeks ago, he can barely use a stove and his grades are shaky, to say the least. You feel like you’re his mom, doing his stinky dishes and acting like his dirty laundry isn’t gross. This is your sign that it’s time to go.

Scientifically speaking, according to a Rutgers University study from Dr. Helen Fisher, a relationship formed in such a brief time frame is based in lust and attraction rather than genuine attachment. These hormones are thus amplified by significant changes in the surrounding environment. 

Those three weeks together were really fun, but fun is not sustainable. Fun cannot last. Fun makes out with other girls at Nu parties and doesn’t understand why you’re upset. Fun is bad at communicating and once, in the third grade, Fun bit his teacher. You don’t know Fun and for this reason, brevity in this relationship is key. 

“I think it’s a solid three-week long thing,” Kelsey Furletti, first-year and Autumn Term relationship survivor, said. “I wouldn’t really put it past that. I think that’s like the peak amount of time for a relationship.” 

After every peak, we must face a descent. Keeping this fling going is like hiking to the bottom, but ending it now is like taking a helicopter back to base camp. Get on that helicopter, girl, and don’t look back. 

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